My reversion to Islam – in brief

My name is Ian Charles Calderwood.  I was born in Newcastle, New South Wales, Australia, on the 11th of January 1946, but was raised in Melbourne.

I reverted to Islam as a Sunni Muslim who follows the Hanafi Mazhab (School) in Melbourne in 1983.

In my youth I hadn’t believed in the Trinity and it was that rejection of the Trinity – it was only by Allah’s Grace (Subhanahu wa ta’ala - Glory be to Him, the Most High); (Tabāraka wa-taʿālā - Blessed and Exalted [is He]); (‘Azza wa-jall - Prestigious and Majestic (is He)] and by His Grace alone that I had questioned the doctrine for years - I make no claim to righteousness – that caused me to eventually reject Christianity and try to find my way through the seemingly endless choices I faced about religion.

Obviously, Allah knew my dilemma about religion, a dilemma that was exacerbated by the fact that I faced some serious crises on occasions in my life, and in His Grace, he opened my heart and my mind to the truth, firstly with a dream and later with a Wahy (inspiration) about the Qur’an, that eventually led me to embracing Islam in 1983.

See my page headed ‘About my reversion to Islam – in detail’.

After I reverted, I changed my name on the 28th of October 1984 by Deed Poll in Melbourne from Ian Charles Calderwood to Yahya Abdullah. I lived in Pakistan under that name, working as a journalist for most of the time, from April 1985 until I returned to Melbourne in September 1990.

A copy of the Deed Poll can be seen at DEED POLL CALDERWOOD TO ABDULLAH. It is a submenu of the page headed PERSONAL DOCUMENTS.

For personal reasons I reverted to my former name of Ian Charles Calderwood in Melbourne on the 12th of March 1992. I did so by Change of Name Registration.

The Victorian Government had abolished Deed Polls in October 1986 and introduced a Change of Name Registration form.

Details about the abolition of Deed Polls and the change of name registration system can be found on the Births, Deaths and Marriages Victoria website. The link is Homepage | Births Deaths and Marriages Victoria (bdm.vic.gov.au).

The Law Handbook 1996, published by the Fitzroy Legal Service, also explains on Page 324 that Deed Polls were abolished in Victoria effective from the 01st of November 1986. It notes: “While you may use a deed poll as evidence of a change of name, you cannot now use a deed poll to administratively register a change of name. With effect from 1 November 1986, a change of name can only be registered by making an application to the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages on the prescribed form . . .”

The Fitzroy Legal Service has provided invaluable support to the disadvantaged in Victoria over the years. The link to the service is Fitzroy Legal Service – Fitzroy Legal Service (fls.org.au).

A copy of the relevant page about deed polls can be found under Law Handbook 1996 Deed Poll – 4.

A copy of my Change of Name Registration form can be seen at CHANGE OF NAME ABDULLAH TO CALDERWOOD. The page is a submenu of the page headed PERSONAL DOCUMENTS.

Ian C. Calderwood:

NEWCASTLE, NSW. 07 May 2022.

LAKEMBA, NSW. 24 February 2023.

EDITED WITH MINOR CHANGES AT LAKEMBA, NSW. 23 August 23

EDITED WITH EXTENSIVE CHANGES AT LAKEMBA, NSW. 24 August 23

AT ONE STAGE, THE QURAN-E-HAKIM.COM WEBSITE WAS NOT PUBLISHING CORRECTLY SO THIS PAGE WAS PUBLISHED ON QURAN-E-HAKIM.NET ON 24 FEBRUARY 2023.

LATER, ON THE 01 APRIL 23, WHEN QURAN-E-HAKIM.COM WAS DISPLAYING CORRECTLY, I RESTORED THIS PAGE TO THE SITE.

I TOOK DOWN THE QURAN-E-HAKIM.NET WEBSITE IN JUNE 2023 WITH THE INTENTION OF REBUILDING THE SITE USING WORDPRESS – I BELIEVED THAT THE LATTER WOULD GIVE ME GREATER FLEXIBILITY RATHER THAN THE STANDARD DIY TEMPLATE THAT I HAD BEEN USING.

INSHAA-ALLAH, I STILL INTEND TO REBUILD THE SITE BUT IT WILL BE A WHILE YET. I SUFFER FROM VARIOUS ILLNESSES AND THEY TEND TO UNDERMINE MY EFFORTS.

ONE ISSUE THAT PEOPLE SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS THAT I SUFFER FROM AN ANXIETY DISORDER. I HAVE HAD IT SINCE I WAS A YOUNG MAN AND IT CAN BE A NIGHTMARE. IT IS NOT A FORM OF PSYCHOSIS – IT IS AN EMOTIONAL DISORDER THAT PROBABLY STEMS FROM ARGUMENTS I HAD WITH MY FATHER ABOUT MY MOTHER.

HE COULD, AS ALLAH WELL KNOWS, BE A MOST UNPLEASANT PERSON AND HIS TREATMENT OF HER WAS UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE. SOME MEN SIMPLY DON’T APPRECIATE ALLAH’S BLESSINGS.  GOD GIVES THEM RIGHTEOUS WIVES AND LOVING CHILDREN AND THEY THINK THAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE GONE UP IN THE WORLD THAT THEY CAN BEHAVE ANY WAY THEY PLEASE.

THEY FORGET IT WAS GOD WHO RAISED THEM UP IN THE FIRST PLACE – WHO BLESSED THEM WITH SUCCESS AND PROSPERITY - AND IT WAS HE WHO BLESSED THEM WITH A FAITHFUL WIFE AND LOVING CHILDREN.

THEY FORGET THAT UNLESS HE FORGIVES THEM THEY CAN FACE A TERRIBLE DAY OF RECKONING. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. HE DOES NOT TAKE LIGHTLY THE ABUSE OF WOMEN – THE ABUSE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

MY BELOVED ALLAH (Subhanahu wa ta’ala - Glory be to Him, the Most High); (Tabāraka wa-taʿālā - Blessed and Exalted [is He]); (‘Azza wa-jall - Prestigious and Majestic (is He)] NEVER FORGETS AND IF IT PLEASE HIM NEITHER DO I.

THE ANXIETY DISORDER POSES MAJOR ISSUES FOR ME AND IS INVARIABLY TRIGGERED BY STRESS – INCLUDING HARASSMENT. I MANAGE IT BY DHIKR, MEDITATION, DRIVING AND SLEEPING.

IT CAN CAUSE ME TO MISS PRAYERS OR BEHAVE IN OTHER WAYS THAT SOME MAY THINK IMPIOUS. FOR EXAMPLE, I FIND SOME MUSIC SOOTHING – IT CAN HAVE A CALMING EFFECT – BUT AS EVERYONE KNOWS MUSIC IS HARAM IN ISLAM.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE: IF I FAIL TO GO TO THE MOSQUE OR FAIL TO PRAY IT DOESN’T MEAN I’M LEAVING ISLAM OR THAT I’M REJECTING ALLAH. IT JUST MEANS I’M IN TURMOIL AGAIN AND I’M QUITE ALL RIGHT AS LONG AS HE IS THERE TO NURTURE ME AND COMFORT ME.

IF I RESORT TO PRACTICES SUCH AS LISTENING TO MUSIC, THEN I WISH SOME PEOPLE WOULD LEARN THAT IT IS MY BUSINESS AND ALLAH’S BUSINESS – HE KNOWS ONLY TOO WELL HOW SICK I CAN GET – AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

THE CONTINUAL PRESSURE ON ME TO RETURN TO PAKISTAN HAS HAD APPALLING CONSEQUENCES – I WOULD NEVER GO THERE AGAIN - AND ALLAH KNOWS ONLY TOO WELL WHY.

IT DOESN’T MEAN I DISLIKE THE PAKISTANI PEOPLE OR THAT I’M REJECTING THE RELIGION – IT JUST MEANS THERE ARE SERIOUS MATTERS THAT REMAIN UNRESOLVED.

I’M FACING DIFFICULTIES IN DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO GIVE EVIDENCE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE YEARS I LIVED IN PAKISTAN AND IT IS ALLAH WHO WILL RESOLVE THOSE PROBLEMS FOR ME.

HE DOESN’T NEED ANY HELP FROM IMPRUDENT, IGNORANT PEOPLE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE ENORMITY – THE CONSEQUENCES – OF ANY COMMENTS I MIGHT MAKE.

BECAUSE IT IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM TO LIE OR DO ANYBODY AN INJUSTICE, I HAVE TO PICK MY WAY THROUGH WHAT I WANT TO SAY – TAKING CARE NOT TO BREAK ANY OF THE RULES.

DESPITE THE INJUNCTION THAT IT IS HALAL TO LIE OR PLAY TRICKS IN JIHAD I TRY TO REFRAIN FROM DOING SO. WHETHER A PERSON IS A MUSLIM OR NOT – EVEN IF THEY ARE AN ENEMY OF ISLAM – I TRY TO SHUN ANY FORM OF UNTRUTH.

I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THAT YEARS AGO – WHEN I WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN – I READ A BOOK BY A SCHOLAR WHO WAS DISCUSSING THIS VERY ISSUE – WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS HALAL TO LIE IN JIHAD.

THIS SAGE GAVE SOME SOUND ADVICE. HE SAID WORDS TO THE EFFECT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HALAL TO LIE IN JIHAD IF POSSIBLE IT WAS BETTER NOT TO DO SO

MANY OF THE SCHOLARS AGREE AND WARN THAT EVEN IN CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE IT IS HALAL TO LIE (THERE ARE THREE SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE HANAFI SCHOOL) IT IS BETTER TO AVOID DOING SO, BUT RATHER CHOOSE WORDS THAT ARE TRUE BUT STILL SERVE THE DESIRED PURPOSE.

ONE OF THE KEY ISSUES I AM FACING IS THAT IF I IDENTIFY ANY MUSLIM WHEN I’M TESTIFYING I HAVE TO AVOID HUMILIATING THEM OR GIVING THE IMPRESSION THAT I’M SEEKING AFTER THEIR PUNISHMENT.

IF I GO AHEAD AND TESTIFY THEN I’M SPELLING IT OUT I’M NOT DOING EITHER. I’M ONLY TRYING TO ARRIVE AT THE TRUTH AND IF MY SUSPICIONS ARE CORRECT THEN THAT COULD BE A HORROR – A DISASTER THAT MIGHT BE BETTER LEFT UNSPOKEN.

AS SUCH, I WOULD SUGGEST THAT SOME PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS ABOUT THE MATTER OF ME TESTIFYING. ALLAH IS MY CARER AND MY GUIDE. HE DOES AN EXCELLENT JOB. HE DOESN’T NEED ANYBODY’S HELP!